We have a tooth issue. I am aware that this will be an anthill and not a mountain in terms of parenting, but it is where we are, and I am enjoying this small, small moment. My T is 4 and 3/4. He had 8 teeth by 8 months. The average first tooth bursts through at 7 months. Our dentist said he has advanced tooth development; I pray this influences his brain but not puberty. Dear Lord, please not advanced puberty. I still have vivid images of the story of an advanced cousin in his daddy’s Cadillac at age 13….no, not advanced puberty in this house. Anyhow, his first tooth became loose at age 3.5. It was so unusual that he had his first x-rays at this early age and all those big ole adult teeth were right there, waiting patiently to rear their jagged heads.
Preschool was an adjustment for my little man. His teachers rarely got to see him in his full glory as he was busy watching and not talking. During snack time mid school year, his first tooth fell. When I picked him up, he saw me and burst into tears—inconsolable, preschool angst ridden tears. Selfishly, I panicked for a moment worried that his teachers would think I was abusing him, but I quickly realized this was not about me and was a parenting moment.
He settled down at home and definitely wanted the tooth fairy to come, but he did NOT want the creepy tiny flying thing visiting his room while he slept. I get it. It makes sense. A tooth fairy???? Come on history.
His second tooth is loose. His favorite 2 foods that give him complete, unadultered child joy are king crab legs and corn on the cob. His first loose tooth lost its last leg while eating the corn on the cob. Now, he will not eat it. In fact, he will not bite anything with his front teeth. He is terrified of the second tooth biting the dust. Watching him eat is not a treat. The length he will go to avoid anything touching the tooth is somewhat fascinating, but I do believe that proper table manners are important and he is appearing a savage with the tooth issue. I have explained both gently and with a slight amount of frustration that he will lose it. There is nothing he can do to stop the progression of teeth. Since he is so clearly my child, I understand all of these fears about growing and getting bigger/older, and I have not been able to help him calm his terror of losing teeth. The tooth is starting to turn a color that no one would put in a giant box of crayons and it sticks out at an angle that, were it a limb, would be cast in a pleasant neon shade. This tiny tooth needs to go.
I am not allowed to touch it. This wonderfully tactile child who could be worn on my body like a silk scarf will not allow me to come near it. I have offered to PAY him to let me see how loose it is. He locks down iron jaws when I come near it. I recently had an idea that seems brilliant, yet perhaps crosses the line. For the past 2 nights, I have gone in when he is completely asleep and wiggled the little brown tooth to encourage its exit into a little box where I, as his mother, will keep it safe and cry over it when he hits his delayed puberty.
Is this wrong?
I think back on my 4 short years in New York and marvel at what I considered a normal day. I very seriously and diligently pursued the opportunity to dress up like a giant flower and persuade people to call their mothers in Time Square for Mother’s Day one year. I had to drop off my head shot and wait like every other actor, but I felt like I had an in because the guy hiring worked out at the club where I had my part-time job. It paid $75 for one day. They cancelled the promotion and I was saddened by the loss of potential income. Another time, I auditioned for a regional production of “The Sound of Music” for the role of Maria. I was called back over and over until it came down to me and another girl. She got the part. During the process of auditioning, I was reading the script on a city bus when a man interrupted me and asked if I was an actor. I said yes. He asked if he could give me advice and I said yes again. (My naiveté will pay off in a moment.) He told me I needed to grow my hair out and have a normal color or I wouldn’t work. I was shocked. Could they not just wig me? He said that there was too much talent in the city and directors hire the easiest choice. He was currently working on Broadway in “Kiss Me Kate.” I sent flowers to him at the theater and made a hair appointment to at least color my inch long, white hair.
About 6 months later I went to a big regional casting call and ran into the director from the production of “Sound of Music.” She pulled me aside and said how glad she was that I was growing my hair out because it was the only reason why I did not get the part. Mental devastation ensued, but I did get multiple job offers from the audition.
My hair and I have been at war since puberty. It never was smooth, bouncy, and shiny like my high school friends. I have tried a million hair styles and products, convinced each one would change my hair to that perfect look for me. Nope. I have had multiple stylists tell me that the Brazilian blow out would change my dry, frizzy hair world, but I’m terrified it would flatten the 12 strands on my head. Also, you have to wear special gear so you aren’t poisoned during the process, so I pass on this option.
My quest of 20 years has led me to my perfect product, Flawless Macadamia Natural Oil Cleansing Conditioner. This is a 6-in-1 product that cleanses, moisturizes, and keeps your volume all in 1 product. I have been using it for 6 weeks now and my love affair is going strong. My hair is far less dry, but my natural volume is the best it has ever been. Day 2 hair is even better. I can boldly say that I like my hair. I have received numerous compliments since I started using this product. I may never have perfect, shiny, bouncy hair, but I now have a bounce in my step while I toss my locks around. It costs about half as much as I would have made dressed as a giant flower, but worth every penny!
Preface: I am not exaggerating any of the below to make a story better. These are my honest recollections. They are, however, 25 years old, so they may no longer be accurate. I did believe, for a long time, that my dad bought our house with change he had saved. Keep that in mind….
I remember starting around 4th grade we would watch videos teaching us about our bodies or other non-scholastic topics that children eventually should know. I had known about the birds and the bees for a very long time because my mother had bought a book and read it to me. I asked for it to be read more than once, and followed up with inappropriate questions. Thus, I felt very knowledgeable about these things. The revelation that Santa Claus was not real had knocked the wind out of me in 3rd grade, but reproduction was something about which I had the facts. At some point another topic was about things that should alarm a child; things that are and are not normal for adults to do. For example, it is not normal for a stranger in a van to ask you to help him with a puppy. I was briefly concerned that I was abused because my mother felt naps were most effective if you didn’t wear pants while taking them. This was just good sense, but at the time, I mulled it over. Another thing we eventually learned about was birth control. I was very fascinated by what I think was called “Today’s Sponge”. To this day, I have never seen one, but I imagined it. If the Internet had been around, I would have furtively googled it while my parents were in another room. I do not know why it was so fascinating, but it was. It was the type of thing I imagined glamorous women talking about over a martini lunch. I am quite certain I was wrong about that.
I was given “Today’s Sponge” in my stocking this year. At least, it looks exactly like the one I imagined way back when. Drum roll for dramatic pause……this one is for your face. It is awesome. It is a cleansing sponge by Boscia and I have never had so much fun washing my face. What I particularly love about it is that you can use it on your eyes to get make up off. I have a strong aversion to using make up remover and I destroy towels rubbing mascara off after washing my face. This gets rid of my mascara and is so much fun to use. It starts off hard when it is dry and softens to a perfect texture for washing. I would also recommend it for toddlers to play with because the texture is very, very addictive. I like to believe that it increases the circulation, and thus the coloring, to my sleep deprived skin, but that may be false advertising. I am happy to have something that makes a boring chore enjoyable. You can buy this at Sephora for $18.
Isn’t it nice to know that things you learned years ago can still play an active role in your adult life? Giggle.