What I Learned From Elementary School Videos

Preface:  I am not exaggerating any of the below to make a story better.  These are my honest recollections.  They are, however, 25 years old, so they may no longer be accurate.  I did believe, for a long time, that my dad bought our house with change he had saved.  Keep that in mind….

I remember starting around 4th grade we would watch videos teaching us about our bodies or other non-scholastic topics that children eventually should know.  I had known about the birds and the bees for a very long time because my mother had bought a book and read it to me.  I asked for it to be read more than once, and followed up with inappropriate questions.  Thus, I felt very knowledgeable about these things.   The revelation that Santa Claus was not real had knocked the wind out of me in 3rd grade, but reproduction was something about which I had the facts.  At some point another topic was about things that should alarm a child; things that are and are not normal for adults to do.  For example, it is not normal for a stranger in a van to ask you to help him with a puppy.  I was briefly concerned that I was abused because my mother felt naps were most effective if you didn’t wear pants while taking them.  This was just good sense, but at the time, I mulled it over. Another thing we eventually learned about was birth control.  I was very fascinated by what I think was called “Today’s Sponge”.  To this day, I have never seen one, but I imagined it.  If the Internet had been around, I would have furtively googled it while my parents were in another room.  I do not know why it was so fascinating, but it was.  It was the type of thing I imagined glamorous women talking about over a martini lunch.  I am quite certain I was wrong about that.

I was given “Today’s Sponge” in my stocking this year.  At least, it looks exactly like the one I imagined way back when.  Drum roll for dramatic pause……this one is for your face.  It is awesome.  It is a cleansing sponge by Boscia and I have never had so much fun washing my face.  What I particularly love about it is that you can use it on your eyes to get make up off.  I have a strong aversion to using make up remover and I destroy towels rubbing mascara off after washing my face.  This gets rid of my mascara and is so much fun to use.  It starts off hard when it is dry and softens to a perfect texture for washing.  I would also recommend it for toddlers to play with because the texture is very, very addictive.  I like to believe that it increases the circulation, and thus the coloring, to my sleep deprived skin, but that may be false advertising.  I am happy to have something that makes a boring chore enjoyable.  You can buy this at Sephora for $18.

Isn’t it nice to know that things you learned years ago can still play an active role in your adult life?  Giggle.


Best Mascaras

Have you ever noticed that when you are within a group of women who do not know each other well, if there is a lull in the conversation, a compliment is shot out?  It is usually over clothing or makeup, because what else is there to compliment when you do not know what another woman is about?  If it goes the makeup route, it is usually eye lashes, sometimes lip color.  I don’t know why we are so obsessed with proper and thick lashes, but we are.  It is a tad creepy if you think about it.  They are short, odd hairs sticking out of a skin flap.  Yet, we spend money to make them prominent.  I have found myself in many awkward conversations in my life; a couple regarding eye lashes.

  • I was part of a big meeting outside of my regular department where many of the employees were meeting the owner for the first time.  During a social lunch, there was an uncomfortable silence.  There were roughly 12 people there who were competent adults, and still I panicked and decided to pick up the conversation.  I started babbling about my last trip to Sephora, and how placing product at the register for impulse purchases was brilliant.  (I should have left it at that as it was a sound statement relevant to the business.)  I continued to talk about how I fell for the strategy and recently had bought mascara based on its name and its location at the register.  I have now told the owner of the company on two separate occasions that I am incapable of controlling myself while shopping.  I have been diagnosed with diarrhea of the mouth with a mild case of melodrama.  (I can and do control my purchases as needed, just not my need to fix an uncomfortable situation.)
  • I joined a group of women with young children and we went out for movie night.  We stopped at Nordstrom for the amazing Laura Mercier promotion and chatted while waiting for help.  One of my new friends asked what kind of mascara I wore because she needed help.  I asked why she needed help and she said, “Oh Asians have horrible eye lashes.”  I had no clue how to respond.  I innately like to make things better and did not know how to here, so I proceeded to get into her personal space and examine them in hopes she would elaborate.  Nope.

I have 2 mascaras that I love.  I have deduced over the years that I have greasy eye lashes because most mascara ends up under my eyes, but these do not.  One of them is the impulse register purchase, so perhaps it is a good ending after all.  One is high end, one is low end.  Neither of these have ever irritated my eyes.  Enjoy my make up free “before” pictures.


Covergirl LashBlast Volume Mascara, $6.94 on www.target.com


covergirl eye

It stays all day and thickens the lash line.  It says it is smudge proof, and it is on me.  I have used several of their mascaras and they are the best for drugstore brands.  It is the only brand that does not flake off under my eyes.

Benefit They’re Real Mascara, $23 on www.sephora.com


benefit after

The finished look is very similar to the Covergirl, but it lengthens the lashes more than Covergirl.  This goes on incredibly easy and does not budge.  The downside to this one, however, is getting it off.  It does not come off with eye makeup remover (easily) or soap and water.  I discovered, off chance, that baby shampoo removes it pretty easily.

Here are both together.  The Benefit mascara is on the left, and the Covergirl is on the right.  You can be the final judge!

eyes w mas

Well Hello Dolly

There are times in the year when there aren’t many auditions for shows.  During these times, I auditioned for shows that I normally would not attend because I had promised myself I would not be lazy.  This particular audition I was preparing for was a musical version of “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” that a village theater was producing.  They wanted rock song auditions.  I should have skipped it.  I did not.  I went to my vocal coach’s apartment to do my final preparations.  She suggested adding simple choreography to my rendition of “It’s Raining Men.”  In my heart I knew it was a bad idea, but I went along with it.  After my rehearsal, I applied my silver glitter eye shadow to rock it out, and went down to the village.  Simply put, the audition was terrible.  I forgot the choreography and stood there swaying with jazz hands.  I cannot sing rock and was uncomfortable the entire time.  At the end of the audition, one of the lovely casting people said, “I like your eye shadow.”  Bless her heart for finding a positive in there.

I have moved on from that moment, but I still love a compliment regarding my makeup.  My favorite category is lip makeup.  I am giddy in Sephora about trying new kinds, yet slightly paranoid about contracting Herpes Simplex 1 by trying everything.  So far, luck has been on my side.  I have received numerous compliments when I wear a certain combination and that is my little luxury for today.  I kiss the tiny one so often that I do not get to wear lip gear very often, but I did this weekend and felt smashing.   My secret combo is MAC whirl lip liner followed by Buxom lip gloss in Dolly.  Dolly is hands down my favorite neutralish lip gloss.   It makes your entire face a little glowy, and it tastes good.  I love the entire Buxom line, but Dolly is my favorite color.  At the end of the day, a compliment is a compliment, but I really prefer the kind that is spontaneous instead of someone trying to find a positive inside a huge disastrous moment.  Muah!