Author: he brought me ice cream

Musings On a Night By Myself

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My husband is out of town.  I had the house to myself after the tiny one went to bed.  I thought perhaps the complete freedom might be liberating, but honestly, I’m bored without my partner.  I miss him.  I decided to take a bath and as I took my hair down, I thought about how hideous it currently looks and I made the ugliest face I could contortion.  I am not sure why, but I sometimes choose to do this.  I prefer it when I can perform this for my husband.  I adore his responses.  He is slightly horrified by what I can conjure, particularly if I am inspired by either old school Rachel from Glee or my perception of zombies.  I thought about this during my free time tonight and I thought maybe I should be concerned that this would eventually be a major repulsion for my husband.  I immediately dismissed the thought.  “Come on, he’s crazy about you” was my inner response.  Then I realized that this is a gift my parents gave me long ago.  I have never felt unloved by them.  I have never doubted the family bond of my parents, my brothers, and myself and it has allowed me to feel security in my grown up family.  This is not to say that I have not been allowed to blow around in the wind on my own, because I have, and I am also grateful for this.  My parents knew me and trusted the relationship enough to let me flounder and succeed or fail as needed before swooping in to save the day.  I am so happy, after the fact, that they did.  Here is what shaped me:

  • My parents let me sing multiple verses of Santa Claus is coming to town to our congregation at church, in June, at age 3.  (This led to me thinking teenage boys would like to hear me sing too, which was a very successful method of birth control.  Sneaky parents.)
  • My parents allowed me to audition for everything and drove me to said auditions.  If I failed, they talked with me but let me know that failure is part of life.
  • When I realized TCU’s music program was terrible for musical theater goals, they let me decide whether to stay or transfer.  No judgment made.  For the record, I made the wrong choice.
  • When I asked when we were all moving me to New York City, my mother said I had it wrong and I should buy a one-way ticket and figure out where to stay.  I thought she was evil.  In hindsight, she was both brave and brilliant.
  • When I could not figure out how to live in New York City, my parents did save the day and paid for my broker’s fee for the apartment.  I paid the rent.
  • My dad drove me out to California to go back to school.  I paid for school; he paid for all the insurance needed on my 26-year-old self.  I got a 4.0 and the outstanding student award for my major.  I needed to pay for school myself in order to achieve that.

Catching your child on every stumble can lead to an insecure child/adult, I have decided.  I am learning how hard it is not to sprint over when someone pulls the tiny one’s hair, or he falls 4 inches and bruises his forehead, but learning disappointment at a young age is ok.  I would rather that he be disappointed about being in his crib and learn to figure it out, than have an adult who is constantly disappointed about everything, without seeing how to make it ok internally.  I want to raise a boy who is so confident about having been so loved and believed in that he was allowed to fall a little bit, knowing he could pick himself up.  All of this rambling comes from one ugly face in the mirror.  Come home soon Patrick.

Needs and Wants

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There are needs and then there are wants.  I count my blessings, when I run, that all of my needs are provided, along with many of my wants.  I am still greedy.  Here are my wants:

  • A new couch.  Mine is repulsive.
  • An outdoor rug for my courtyard.
  • To live in a stronger school district for the tiny one.
  • Hair extensions.
  • Botox.
  • In all honesty, I desperately want a Chloe handbag.
  • To win the lottery even though I don’t buy lottery tickets.

We just met with our fertility specialist who told us that we have roughly a 0% chance of having a child naturally.  Suddenly, my wants change, and unfortunately they are wants.

  • A second child.
  • Another happy and HEALTHY tiny one.
  • More belly laughter from someone under 1-year-old.
  • More diapers to change.
  • More croup to keep me awake at night.

We have decided that there is another round of ivf left in us. There is another round of injections, potential surgeries, emotional hurt, financial (God awful) stress, and weight gain (forgive my vanity) in us to try.  If you have not been through this, let me give you hope.  It can work.  I remember sitting in my doctor’s exam room, crying that I could take no more after having to cancel our second round of ivf in exchange for a second surgery.  It takes you to the depths of despair, but I had an incredible partner to catch me in those moments.  Surprising no one more than myself, every day I thank God for how hard it was to have this tiny bundle of joy.  I am more patient because of our struggle to conceive him.  I value each repulsive diaper because I wanted him so badly.  I see beauty in a sleepless night at 4 a.m. because I so desperately wanted to rock my own child.  Truthfully, the money we spent seems like a bargain because of what it gave me emotionally in return.  I can only say this after the fact.  Had it not worked, I would have been resentful of forgoing numerous glamorous vacations and Chloe handbags.  The glorious side of today and not yesterday is the worst case scenario: if the tiny one is the only child we are graced with, he is enough.  Enough joy, enough laughter, and enough love to share.  He was our need.

My Parenting Pearls of Wisdom

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I have been a parent for just over a year.  The tiny one is 13 months today.  I am not an expert; I have roughly 5% of the answers.  I search the internet daily for answers or clues into certain things he does or does not do.  I have been in molar and illness hell since August.  (I love him madly whether he is a baby disaster or not, just to clarify.)  I do not know what to do for him in these situations other than give him Motrin, sing, make funny voices, and read “Good Night Little Sea Otter” over and over until he is soothed.

I write today because I feel proud of a piece of advice I recently gave him.  I felt it was wise and translated well throughout different phases of his life.  The tiny one discovers body parts and becomes enthralled, entranced, and engaged with each part.  He found his feet at 4 months and they are still hilarious to him.  He recently found his penis, as all little boys do.  Now, if his feet are amazing, this is clearly above amazing.   I was changing his diaper the other day and said to him, “You only get one of those.  Be gentle.  Choose wisely.”  Whether this is referring to the current manhandling, seeing if it can be shut into a door in a few years, or inappropriate choices as a 40-year-old (a girl can still dream as a mother), this is the best advice I can offer.

Namaste.

Facial Hair and Lasting Impressions

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Kabuki Bronzing Brush $17

A fact of life is that there are some things that just follow you that you cannot get rid of. I will be discussing this in a superficial light, not in a serious, non-joking way of something like herpes simplex II. If you were to ask someone who knew me in high school what instantly came to mind when they thought of me, there would be 3 possibilities, I would guess. I rank these how I hope they would fall. #1: She sang well. #2: She had huge boobs. #3: She was a goody two shoes. (damnit) It is what it is. There was a very nice girl I knew growing up who very unfortunately had to go to the bathroom in a solid way at a party, and she will be forever known as the girl who pooped at a party. These are not things that people label to be mean (at least as adults), but it is a brain searing image of who you are and it just does not go away, unless you have breast reduction surgery. That opens up a new avenue of labeling. I am rambling about this because one of those things that people remember is facial hair. I am wary of people thinking of me as Katie hairy face, or that girl with the creepy hair sticking out of her cheek. Make up brushes can make you that girl if you are not careful. Most make up brushes come in colors that are not natural to downy, blonde, normal facial hair so it really stands out. I know that if I notice someone with a random facial hair, the next time I see them I involuntarily check to see if it is still there. Think about it. I bet you do too.

I have used the Body Shop Kabuki Bronzer brush for years because it does not shed, ever. I bought it on impulse as a treat to myself while stuck in the Denver airport, and it is my most favorite make up tool. I have used it for finishing powder, blush, bronzer, or as a general blender between all of the above. The hairs are very soft, it fits nicely in my hand, and it is not outrageously priced at $23 (currently on sale online for $17). I have had my brush for years. I know you are supposed to replace them, but it still seems to do the job for me and it still has not marked me with unwanted facial hairs.

When Television Takes Over

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Patrick and I were tardy to the party for a certain television show called “Breaking Bad.”  We had been meaning to watch it for years, but just started it two weeks ago on Netflix.  It has taken over our lives.  My husband works like a tornado, so we do not talk very much during the day, but our communication has started to make us sound like junkies.  Here is a typical conversation: 

Pat: I’m working late tonight, but I’m going to try and get out of there by 8 so we can get an episode in.

Katie:  Let me know if you’re going to be late.  I can’t wait.

Pat:  Did you find out how we can get the last 8 episodes Netflix doesn’t have?

Katie: No and I don’t think I can handle waiting until they get it.

We get absolutely nothing accomplished once the episodes start.  They leave major cliff hangers at the end too, so you have to keep watching.  Netflix has 54 episodes and we are on about episode 47 in slightly over 2 weeks.  We aren’t sure how we are going to function in the evening once there are no more episodes to watch.  I heard once that a definition of an addict is not how much or how often, but it is the ability to stop, or the lack of ability to stop once started.  By that definition, we are Breaking Bad addicts.  I have dreamt about it.  I think about it often and wonder what I would do given those life circumstances.  I do not feel ashamed, except at my lack of productivity.  I could chalk it up to bonding with my husband, but that is a stretch since we do not talk except to clarify during an episode.

Since I get nothing accomplished anymore, I have to cheat.  Showering is a must, doing hair is a maybe.  I had simply quit with any type of body color enhancer and embraced my natural pastiness, since that was a nighttime ritual.  Then a magical moment happened; I was introduced to Sally Hansen Airbrush Legs cream.   I had heard of the spray and recommended it with the disclaimer that I had not used it, but I did not know about the cream.  I was a little hesitant with the idea of leg cream, even though I love self tanner and regular lotion.  2 friends swear by it, so I tried it.  It is glorious!  It takes roughly 1 minute to apply.  It adds just the right amount of color and, once dry, stays on and does not smudge.  I forgot about it, slept in white sheets, and woke up with nary a smudge on the sheets!  I think the color it creates is PRETTIER than self tanner.  How have I gone this long without it?  It comes in 4 shades and is sold at drug stores for around $10.  It is my own attempt at camouflage and subterfuge.  Yes, I am reaching.  Now, it’s time for another episode.

sally hansen

What To Wear When Dressing To Impress In a Photograph

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I have been reading Glamour Magazine and Marie Claire since I was a teenager. I answered phones at my very first job at 16, and spent most of the in between time reading these magazines. They had thrilling articles that talked about date etiquette, make up applications, ways to look thinner, etc. I still read them. When I was 23ish, one of these magazines had an article about this new thing called “internet dating.” I had heard of it, but was always dating someone, usually my on again, off again college boyfriend, so I had not ventured into it. Also, there was kind of a stigma back then and I cared about those types of things. The article caught my eye because it broke down different companies offering this type of service. One of them was called “J Date.” One of the things I had learned in Manhattan was that Jewish men were awesome. My best guy friend was Jewish and the Jewish men who had taken me on dates were a ton of fun. I was curious and decided to try it out. I filled out the online application. I remember it asked me about my religion. Curiously, this had not occurred to me when jumping on board. It listed several denominations of Judaism. I am Christian in general, and Presbyterian in particular, and those were not options to select. Certainly there were others like me, no? I checked the box for “other.”

I had my employer (I nannied) take pictures of me, and I had my best friend take some action shots of me studying paintings at the Guggenheim. None of these turned out the way I hoped so I did not post a picture. They asked for occupation, body type, hair color, etc. I said I was a curvy blonde actress/singer. The description created a lot of action and I was pretty excited. I quickly learned that these men took the site seriously and asked about my “other” religion box. The two men I went on dates with basically thought I was a moron. Looking back, I can see where they were coming from. My best guy friend thought it was fantastic, but he knew and appreciated my slightly naïve yet super exuberant outlook on life.

I share this story because I spent hours trying to get a picture for my profile. I did not know what to wear and did not like any of the pictures. Today, I would choose a pretty blouse. A feminine blouse should be a wardrobe staple. I have found that some of my staple jersey dresses do not translate well in photographs, but a blouse is delicate and pretty in a picture. For photographs, choose a solid color, or very subtle print. Steer clear of white or cream because it can be difficult to photograph well. A blouse transitions easily from casual to formal and is at least a 3 season piece. I prefer silk or a silk inspired fabrication because of the fluid draping on the body and ease of positioning for the photograph. For something more substantial, choose a crepe fabric. Crisp cotton can be tricky. Here are beautiful fall options that I would choose today if I had not already found my Prince Charming!

dvf tanyana 265

DVF Tanyana Blouse

dvf teagan

DVF Teagan Blouse

anthropologie blouse

Anthropologie

Maje

Maje Blouse

joie

Joie Blouse

The Perfect Skinny Jean and Words You Should Never Say

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There are a couple of words/phrases that should simply never be uttered aloud. Keep this in mind as a preface.

I have worked in fashion/retail in some capacity for almost 15 years. I have experience with personal shopping, selling, event planning, hiring, training, management, and visual merchandising. I have taught students about the importance of creating a proper retail environment. I love it. I love working with a woman and watching her transformation from self doubt to self confidence. My greatest professional moment was working with cancer survivors for a fashion show and watching them strut the runway feeling sexy and womanly. This is good.

One time in my career, I was working with a very poised and proper lady and I needed to go grab some different pieces for her. I asked a colleague to check in on her for me. As I was returning to my customer, I overheard my colleague say, “Yes, those pants look great. They don’t give you camel toe or anything!” Camel.Toe. This is the most foul phrase. Why she chose not having camel toe as a selling point is beyond me. I gagged. I panicked. Would this customer put me in the same category as this other person I foolishly sent to her? Would she think I coached her on the proper usage of the phrase camel toe? Please make it stop. I later told this story over family dinner and it went in an entirely new direction when my dad did not know what that phrase meant, and my brother googled images of the phrase for him. Note, you can never unsee certain things….

I reference this story because I had to put my word loathing aside when I found the perfect pair of skinny jeans. They are by “Rich and Skinny”. I find “rich” an offensive and tacky word. The only time you should utter it is in regards to food or the saturation of a color. I have actually avoided this brand due to their name. Now that my ivf prep and baby weight is gone, I found myself in a delightful situation of needing smaller pants. My finances are not quite as delightful, so I headed to Nordstrom Rack. I found the Rich and Skinny Schoolboy Cuff jean marked to $59.97 from an original retail of $154. They are perfect because of the stretchy fabrication, but not so stretchy that they cling unnecessarily, mid rise, the dark wash, and the slightly loose calf. If you are a curvy girl, you do not want a skinny jean that says “legging” or “ultra skinny” unless you plan to wear them tucked into a boot. When a skinny jean is a little straighter, it is much more flattering, especially when paired with a dark wash. When I put these jeans on the first time, my husband asked me when I got so skinny. THAT is a phrase I can never hear too much!

rich and skinny 2 rich and skinny

Dancing “Cheek” to “Cheek” at Trina Turk

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I found myself packed into a sweaty tent with roughly 100 other women, all scouring the racks for a designer bargain.  My pulse was racing, my eyes were narrow and evil looking, and I guarded my 4 inches of personal space fiercely.  Why would I spend a free Saturday morning in a humid tent in 90 degree weather?  For a Trina Turk sample sale, to be exact.  I had heard of this mystical happening, but had never experienced it.  I was driving home and spotted several well dressed women teetering down a shady, commercial street and thought “This must be it!!”  It was.  I had found it!  It happens 1-2 times per year and I finally stumbled upon it!!

I loaded my arms with unsized merchandise and entered the communal dressing room to find potential treasure.  What I really found was that I was lined butt cheek to butt cheek with other desperate women.  It’s slightly unnerving to ask a woman who has her cell phone holstered to her underpants if she would mind moving over so you can peek in the mirror she is hogging.  If you have not participated in a sale of this ilk, here are my tips:

  • For goodness sakes, wear some decent underpants.  Because I am unbelievably nosy, I stared at everyone’s underpants and was very underwhelmed.  There was nary a sexy pair to be found.  Many were in shades I could not confidently attach to a specific color.  If I could have taken a picture without looking like a total creep, I would have so I could have shown my husband.  It would have totally blown his idea that women just “hang out” in sexy underpants.  (To any men reading, no one was close to starting a pillow fight in the tent either.)
  • If you are brave, a thong works best, but know that you will find yourself with your hiney to the wall as much as possible.  A thong eliminates any visible lines and will give you the most accurate assessment of the garment, which you will need due to speeding through the trying on process.  If you do not wear a thong, definitely wear seamless underpants.
  • Be kind to yourself.  The woman next to me was tiny and was bemoaning her tummy.  While it wasn’t a 6 pack, she was darling and I would never have noticed if she had not pointed it out.
  • If there are sizes on the clothing, know that they will not be accurate.  There are salesman samples and then there are fit samples.  Salesman samples are not accurately fit.  The size is not 100% true to the designer’s vision.  The garment is initially created for sales people to show to potential buyers.  Fit samples are going to be much more representative of the designer’s vision, but you will never know which is which.
  • Sample sizes usually run between a size 0 to a size 8.  A lot of sales will also have end of season garments that will be in all sizes, so even if you aren’t a sample size, you should always look.

I left with 2 beautiful blouses that I paid $30 each.  Her blouses at full retail are in the $200 range.  Score.  Stay tuned for why every woman needs blouses in her closet!

How To Make Bathing More Exciting

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You should know that I had been catching up on Dexter just prior to this conversation, and the drama had affected my mood ….

Patrick: How much exactly does soap that comes in its own plastic box cost?
Katie: It was an impulse purchase that I blame on Amazon Prime. Let’s never speak of it again!

The soap had cost $20, which is ridiculous for 1 bar of average sized soap, but it is delicious and I love having it. I think about it multiple times per day and inhale its aroma every time I enter my bathroom. I have decided I will only use it on special occasions to make it last longer, as I cannot continue to purchase soap this expensive when I stay home with the tiny one. That special occasion might be I-slept-not-at-all-Wednesday, but the occasions are my own to decide. Patrick is not allowed to use it either. I rarely ask that of products, but I want this puppy to last!
What is this fantabulous product you ask? Hermes. Hermes. Hermes. Hermes Eau d’Orange Verte, to be exact. It comes in a green box and smells like an adult orange. Many fragrances claim to be unisex, which I generally believe to be a cop out for a wussy male fragrance, but this is subtle enough to smell amazing on my husband (before the ban was in place) and is a very sophisticated female scent, with a side of playful citrus.
I found this scent while scavaging in my parents’ house for hair conditioner. They had evidently stayed at some swanky hotel that used Hermes products. (I grilled my mother hard and she cannot remember which hotel). I swiped the shower gel and looked forward to lathering up each day. It took the edge off being a paranoid human in a completely see through glass shower. (There is no escape if someone walks in) When I went to order my own, Amazon only had the little travel sized bottles, so I went for the soap. They are equally wonderful. If you ever buy me presents (Patrick, Mom, unknown future friend), I will take anything in this incredible scent, and lots of it. It is the most perfect summer scent I have smelled.
P.S. The plastic green box is enjoyed daily by the tiny one while taking his nightly bath.

 

hermes soap